Post Mortem on NSBP/NSHP

I bitched and moaned to many friends in the weeks leading up to the National Society of Black Physicists joint annual conference with the National Society of Hispanic Physicists. I complained louder during the days leading up to it and even during the first couple of days it was happening. I organized four sessions, and I was terrified. I was giving a talk, and I was terrified. My stomach wouldn't hold food on the first day. The military intervened and screwed up my plenary session, cutting off one of my speakers. It was emotionally difficult, politically upsetting, and stressful. The whole conference was draining. There weren't enough Latino/a physicists there for it to really be a joint conference, which is disappointing.

But, I loved being there too. I loved being in the midst of Black physicists, talking physics, talking life, dressing fly, being proud of who we are and how hard we've worked. My sixth time attending was really an opportunity to see how far my peers have come in the time that I have known them. Hearing about their successes has left me beaming with pride. And seeing our strength in solidarity has left me filled with a belief that good things are happening.

Perhaps most importantly, I learned this week that despite the stresses of my ongoing involvement with the mechanics of the organization, I have a good reason for doing what I do. Sure there is the component of using it as a vehicle for change, to help the Black community do better. But for me it is something more fundamental. It is the only space where I feel completely able to freely love thinking about, talking about, and doing physics. It is the space where I know the people I am talking to are on my side. They want to see my succeed, not tear me down as is so common in academia. It is a positive environment. And it is an environment where people couldn't give a fuck about the jargon -- they aren't trying to prove that they know something. They are trying to figure out this universe and add to the store of human knowledge (paraphrasing Jim Gates's remarks at dinner last night)

I was so inspired by the cosmology, gravitation, and relativity sessions that I spent part of Friday evening working. I wanted to work because studying the universe was cool again. All around me, I saw people I could respect, not just as intellectuals, but as human beings. I wish there was more of that in the world of physics at large.

Unfortunately, for the moment, there isn't. And I will have to find a way to live with that and carry the flame of NSBP with me in the day to day. I admit that I have not been very good at that. But I have gotten better with time. This year I will be better than last. And then, in just 12 short months, I will be back home again.

In the meantime, I have my pictures from Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3 to cherish.